Burn your books. Subscribe to The Onion. membership.theonion.com

Get The Onion newspaper for $99/year. It's free.

The Onion looks back on 250 years of American exceptionalism.

The Onion looks back on 250 years of American exceptionalism.

The Onion looks back on 250 years of American exceptionalism.

The Onion looks back on 250 years of American exceptionalism.

The Onion looks back on 250 years of American exceptionalism.

CEO Reveals How He Used AI To Build One-Person Company That's $1.3 Billion In Debt

The Onion looks back on 250 years of American exceptionalism

The Onion looks back on 250 years of American exceptionalism.

The Onion Reviews 'Spider-Man Homecoming'

Tesla Launches New Model Of Explosions

Presenting The Onion's "America's 250th" issue.

The Onion Explains: Global Nuclear Proliferation Pt. 2

Police Ask For Public’s Help In Falsifying Report

At long last, Global Tetrahedron is taking over.

This Day In History The Invention Of The Hand Job

The Onion Explains: Global Nuclear Proliferation Pt. 3

The Onion Explains: Global Nuclear Proliferation Pt. 1